


What if I'm nothing and you're everything?

by multifandomgeek



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Alexa play Pink - Fucking Perfect, Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Self-Hatred, a bit of angst, it's about love and trust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 01:14:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21729001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/multifandomgeek/pseuds/multifandomgeek
Summary: About three weeks ago, Brooke and Vanessa became girlfriends. Vanessa is still waiting for Brooke to realize her mistake.
Relationships: Brooke Lynn Hytes/Vanessa Vanjie Mateo
Comments: 22
Kudos: 54





	What if I'm nothing and you're everything?

**Author's Note:**

> Am I trying to convince this wonderful friend of mine that she is, indeed, wonderful? Am I trying to convince myself that everything is fine? Am I trying to convince you to not jump to conclusions about things that are in another person's head? Who knows... hope you all like it lol

Sometimes, Vanessa forgot.

It was nice when she did. They’d be lying in bed and she’d start ranting about something or another, Brooke would laugh, and she’d keep going, not even making sense, just making her laugh again and again, forgetting. It could happen when they were on a date, Brooke would guess her order or do something mindlessly thoughtful, a casual reminder of how much she cared, and Vanessa would forget. Perhaps they wouldn’t even be together, Vanessa would take a picture of a funny thing to send her, or share a meme she happened to stumble upon and not even think before pressing send, forgetting.

Most times though, it was impossible not to remember.

They’d be walking together in the school hallways, somebody would say hello to Brooke and she would reply, perfectly friendly, only to reveal later she didn’t even know who it was. Or they’d be out at a party and some guy would hit on Brooke, ignoring Vanessa completely even if they happened to be making out just a minute ago. But in reality, nothing had to happen for Vanessa to live in the realization that Brooke was way prettier, cooler and more popular than her.

She was completely out of Vanessa’s league, and sometimes she couldn’t even fathom how they’d end up together. It had been a twist of fate, really, that Brooke would end up in the same boring wedding party than her, both girls being there forced by their parents and bonding over their misery, clicking together so well that they’d end up making out against a tree in the back of the venue.

It happened about three weeks ago, and now they were girlfriends. Vanessa was still waiting for Brooke to realize her mistake.

It was just too good to be true. There had to be some kind of catch, how else would someone so… ordinary as Vanessa land a tall, blonde, perfect glamazon like Brooke? And she wasn’t just beautiful either, she was _so cool_ too! She was an amazing dancer, was always reading something or another, listened to Vanessa like not even her mother had the patience for, and many, many other qualities. Vanessa couldn’t even list them without ending up moping about the fact that, no matter how you counted, she had nothing to offer back.

There was always something happening to remind her of how the world viewed them: an amazing, 10/10 girl together with someone who just wasn’t what she deserved. The worst part was that Vanessa was so aware of it that she was almost ashamed of keeping Brooke from someone better. Like the fact that they were together at all was just Vanessa’s selfish decision-making, keeping Brooke under the illusion that she couldn’t find someone else more suited for her.

“There’s a new girl in the sophomore year,” said Brooke at lunch, her mouth full of PB and J as she talked.

Vanessa chuckled, forgetting again for just a second. “Finish eating before you talk, Mary! Were you raised by wolves or something?”

“Just stray dogs,” responded Brooke, still chewing, now with the hint of a smile in the corner of her mouth. “Couldn’t afford the higher education.”

Vanessa rolled her eyes and smiled. “You’re so stupid.”

“You like it,” smiled Brooke, nudging Vanessa’s calf under the table. She finished swallowing before she continued, but there were still some crumbs and a bit of jelly on her lips. “Anyway, she’s a transfer, I think she was a cheerleader in her other school? Maybe she’ll try out for it.”

And just like that, Vanessa was reminded that Brooke was in the cheerleading team, that Vanessa actually tried out for it once and got rejected. She could almost taste the humiliation from way back then. “Cool,” she said because she had to say something.

Brooke went on to talk about how the team could really use someone with experience, but Vanessa couldn’t focus, her mind was already spiraling. Was this girl pretty? Would she get in the team and make Brooke forget all about Vanessa in the blink of an eye? Did she like girls? Would she like Brooke back? Of course she would, who wouldn’t? Would she be the one to make her girlfriend realize she could do much, much better?

“Baby? You okay?” Vanessa was dragged out of her reveries by Brooke’s concerned voice.

“Sure.” Vanessa forced out a smile. “You want my cookies? I’m full.”

Brooke shrugged and accepted the food offering in exchange for getting distracted enough not to notice Vanessa’s anxious state.

\--

It turned out that New Girl _was_ pretty. Prettier than Vanessa, at least. She did get in the team, and Brooke confirmed that she had been a cheerleader at her old school, and spent a good hour telling Vanessa about all these new things they were going to try now, to “better the team”. Yeah, right.

Vanessa could already see how it would be: Brooke was soon going to start making excuses not to see Vanessa so much. She was going to spend a lot of time in practice, because the team needed her, of course, not because there was a new cute girl she was ogling and getting along with “surprisingly well”. Then the last blow would come, as either a break-up or cheating. There was no doubt.

She shouldn’t be surprised, she had been waiting for exactly this to happen ever since Brooke told her she wanted their relationship to be public if Vanessa didn’t mind. It was a ticking bomb, and it wasn’t even New Girl’s fault, she just happened to be in the right place at the right time. It could have been anyone, and Vanessa should count herself lucky that it didn’t happen sooner.

“Brooke, why are we together?” prompted Vanessa right in the middle of a making-out session. They were in Brooke’s room and the blonde had been sucking on Vanessa’s neck. She promptly stopped and raised her head so Vanessa could see the baffled look on her face.

“What?” said Brooke after a while, apparently giving up on trying to understand it the first time around.

“I mean- no, yeah, why are we together?” It made so much sense in Vanessa’s head that she found it puzzling it was so hard to put it into words. “Why are you with me when you can have anyone you want? I don’t get it.”

“What the hell are you talking about, baby?” Brooke reached to touch Vanessa’s cheek so gently the girl had to fight the urge to jump back.

“You know what I mean. You’re like, a star, and I’m just, well, just me.”

“You’re serious,” said Brooke, sitting up straight with a frown settling on her face. “Vanessa, I like you, I thought you knew that.”

“Yeah, I know, but-” Vanessa interrupted herself, trying hard to make sense out of this utter certainty that lived inside of her. “I know I’m not like, the girl of your dreams, you know?”

“Why not?” Brooke looked a mixture of confused, sad, and angry.

Vanessa felt small. “Because I’m me, Brooke! You know what I mean, what do you want me to say?”

“I don’t! I don’t know what you mean!” exclaimed Brooke. “I seriously don’t. I like you, I want to be with you, all the time! You know how much it upsets me when I have to cancel stuff, ‘cause I always look forward to us being together so bad.”

That was true, Vanessa had to comfort Brooke every time something came up that would get in the way of their time together. But that didn’t matter, Vanessa was sure Brooke _knew_ and was just being stubborn.

“That’s not-”

“Are you trying to guilt-trip me into breaking up with you or something?” Brooke was really angry now. Vanessa felt even smaller, her petite frame hunching back, trying to disappear. “‘Cause I won’t do that. If you want to break up with me, do it yourself.”

“I don’t want that.” Vanessa only realized she was crying once she heard her own voice. She sniffed, tried to recompose herself while Brooke looked at her with confusion and so much affection Vanessa could barely stand it. “I just don’t want to fall for you and then be left behind once you realize you’ve made a mistake thinking you liked me at all.”

“I do like you,” said Brooke softly, cupping Vanessa’s face and bringing their foreheads together.

“I know,” said Vanessa weakly, giving in, frustrated.

“You make me laugh, you understand me,” Brooke planted small kisses around Vanessa’s face in between sentences. “You’re kind, your smile is so beautiful it shines up the whole room. And the fact you’re smoking hot doesn’t hurt either,” she said cheekily, managing to draw a smile in between Vanessa’s tears.

“I’m not though,” she responded quietly. “I’m not fishing for compliments, I swear, I just- I know I’m not. I’m too short and my hair’s too dark and it never behaves, and I talk too much - I know I’m annoying, you don’t have to lie - and my skin is so oily and I have disgusting zits and-”

Brooke kissed her, possibly to shut her up. It worked very well. “I love your hair,” she said, reaching to comb her fingers through Vanessa’s locks. “I love it in every way you wear it, even when it’s windy or when you sleep on it weird and it gets smushed on one side.” She smiled fondly, looking at the strands of Vanessa’s hair in between her fingers.

“I like that I’m taller than you, too,” Brooke continued. “Feels nice to sweep you up sometimes,” she winked, and Vanessa was smiling again just like that. “And you never annoy me. Maybe we have to wait a few years for us to get in each other’s nerves a bit more. Then you’ll see I’m not all that, and maybe I’ll get a little annoyed with you.” She touched Vanessa’s nose with hers. “We can fight and have some awesome make-up sex then.”

“Shut up,” said Vanessa despite herself, swatting Brooke’s side.

“And if your zits bother you, we can try some creams.” Brooke shrugged, eyes scanning Vanessa’s face as if looking for the offending acne. “But I don’t really care, and it’s not even that bad. I think you’re overthinking that one, babe.” She looked into Vanessa’s eyes as if challenging her. “What else?”

Vanessa was overwhelmed. There was a war inside her and Brooke was winning this battle. “What if-” she began weakly, giving up mid-thought.

Brooke understood anyway. “Didn’t you say I could have anybody I wanted?”

Vanessa nodded.

“I want you.”

Vanessa surged forward and kissed her, Her cheeks were still wet with tears but it was like she couldn’t breathe a moment longer without Brooke’s lips on hers. Her doubts weren’t gone, that would be too easy, but at least now she knew she could count on Brooke to keep them at bay whenever she needed. Because maybe Brooke would be okay if she _didn’t_ find someone better. The two of them didn’t have to be perfect. They just had to be together.


End file.
